Peaceful Parenting is Possible
Wow, here is a woman who really knows what I’m going through as a parent! She totally “gets it” and puts it in perspective. I’ve been doing it all wrong (no wonder my kids are ruining my life!). Ok, now I’ve got to show my kids who’s really in control and no, it’s not my bossy 8 yr old. It’s me.
And I’m going to be IN CHARGE from now on. “I will not buy them that toy, I will not buy them that toy, please don’t let me cave in and buy them that toy…”
Katherine has been my rock as my parenting coach. Some of her greatest qualities are: reliable, consistent, persistent, insightful and positive. I’m a single mother trained as a mental health professional so I’ve had some obstacles to overcome! Katherine has been steadfast and unwavering. She has helped me develop a plan and has helped me to stick with it. It’s working!
My daughter is learning to respect me. I can now see glimpses of what she will be like when she’s grown up – strong, independent, and kind… just like her mom!
I just want you to know how thankful I am for all that you have done to help me be the best mom I can be to our son. I truly appreciate all your help, time and suggestions.
You have been a huge blessing in my life. Xo
My beautiful 15 year old daughter is an only child. I’ve been a single Mom since she was one. When she was an infant, I could not tolerate her discomfort. People told me to let her learn to self soothe by letting her cry. I couldn’t do it. I literally held her for the first year of her life.
By the time she was in the first grade, it was really clear who was running the show in our house. Her teacher would tell me, “Don’t do things for your daughter that she can do for herself.” I tried, but she would get frustrated and demanding and it was just easier to give in.
When she was in 8th grade, she began refusing to go to public school. The teachers would not help her. Her peers didn’t “get” her. I began paying for an artsy private school that caters to the needs of kids who don’t fit into public schools.
As she got older, she became more and more of a tyrant, more demanding and entitled. She was on the computer, cell phone or television when she wasn’t in school and her disrespect for me was growing. Her grades began to get worse at school. She showed no motivation for anything except socializing with friends.
I found John Rosemond and hired an amazing Rosemond Coach – Katherine Saltzberg. Katherine helped me to begin to work on the issues: one issue at a time. She was so patient with me. I began to step-up as the Leader in the house. I became more consistent. My “No” really meant “No” for the first time in my daughter’s life. At first, her tirades were intense. They were the temper tantrums of a 2 year old in a 15 year old’s body and 15 year old’s smart mouth. I learned to walk away and even leave the house on occasion. The more I stayed strong, the more quickly she would settle down. I was truly amazed at how much more calm and content she seemed after the tantrum when I stayed strong. The change was so remarkable that it showed me that I was on the right track.
Our house is now quiet. There’s not even music as a distraction. We have had really deep and meaningful talks about life. She has managed to study for and pass her driver’s permit test (which she wasn’t motivated to do previously). She’s been practicing driving. We’ve been singing and dancing together. Now my daughter accompanies me to the grocery store. She’s asked me how I go about budgeting to pay the bills. She’s learned how to prepare meals. I just cannot say enough positive things about how wonderful this experience has been!
It’s taken her six weeks, but this weekend, for the first time ever, she began doing her homework on Friday night rather than waiting until Sunday night or not doing it at all. For hours on Saturday she worked on a term paper. She read a novel.
Today, she jumped out of bed to write a second term paper and asked me for my input. She cleaned her room and the bathroom without me even saying anything. She’s taken a job babysitting one night per week.
This is like a dream come true. I am happier. She is happier. We are a family.
My daughter tells her friends and teachers she is “grounded.” That is her word. At first, it surprised me to hear her use it. But the more I think about that word, she is right. My daughter is learning how to be grounded inside herself for the first time. She’s learning how to sit in silence, to soothe herself when she’s upset and to discover the simple joys. She’s never been happier, more secure and more determined in her entire life. Yes… she is grounded!
I came to Katherine feeling desperate for help with my 4-year-old spirited, first born daughter. She was kicking, hitting and spitting at me (and sometimes even the nanny) when she did not get her way and was generally defiant when I told her to do things. At night after she was in bed I would flop down on my bed and cry wondering what I was doing wrong and how in the world to fix it. And on occasion, though embarrassing to admit, I would lose my temper and yell at her, even breaking into tears in front of her a couple times. It wasn’t pretty.
I had sought advice by reading parenting books and going to a group at church called “mom’s class” and though there was some good advice had here I still couldn’t figure out how to turn things around with my daughter. I also asked my in-law’s for advice as they saw her behavior problems as well. They were encouraging and tried to help and eventually remembered John Rosemond’s newspaper column that they had often read when their kids were little. They signed up for the parent guru website and told me about the parent coach service offered. I decided to give it a try and filled out the form on the website and was contacted by Katherine Saltzberg the next day. After explaining how it worked my husband and I decided to go for it and signed up for her coaching assistance. We also purchased and read “The Well Behaved Child” and later I also read “Making the Terrible Twos Terrific” as we had a younger son who just turned 2.
Katherine’s coaching of us was a major turning point in my parenting. She helped me understand John’s concepts more clearly and how to apply them. I was definitely missing strong leadership but even after reading the book I wasn’t sure how to “act” like I knew what I was doing. As Katherine acted it out for me and talked me through the scenarios I was struggling with it started to click. When I calmed down and acted like I was in control, stopped yelling, and nipped things in the bud (to borrow John’s phrase) there was a huge change in my daughter. She actually started obeying!
On Katherine’s guidance, we “kicked” our daughter “out of the garden. ” Two months later she was no longer hitting, kicking, or spitting at anyone and in the year following has not relapsed. Hallelujah! We also put her on the ticket system and made good progress on that as well.
I am so very thankful for Katherine’s help. With the progress I have made over the past year since we met her I feel like I can now actually enjoy my kids so much more and I have a much better behaved daughter. Neither of us perfect by any means, but much happier. I would highly recommend her as a parent coach to other mom’s who are struggling as well as John Rosemond’s books.