You’ve read way too much about the college scandal but you can’t help yourself. I get it. It’s like a car crash. But take away the means and many of us have a lot in common with these moms and dads. We are just as anxious about how our kids are doing in school and this anxiety is driving us to do for them what they should be doing for themselves. If you saw the whats app texts flying back and forth between the moms at my children’s school you wouldn’t know whose homework it is. I was that mom and still feel that anxiety. I just don’t act on it for their sake.
Besides wanting your kids to be happy you also want them to be responsible, resilient, capable and self -confident. Know any truly happy grown ups who still live on their parents’ couch or get to college and text mom about how to do everything? No, you don’t. And if you don’t have money to buy their way into college or into a career or hire them a personal assistant then it’s time to change course. If you are that parent who is hunting for your teen’s homework and calling the teacher weekly who doesn’t really understand your child’s unique needs and fighting battles on the playground that your kid should be doing for him or herself then read on.
If you want to raise a capable kid you need to start right now.
Keep it simple. Pick one thing that you know they are capable of doing. (age appropriate of course.) If it’s their laundry, or taking out the trash or doing dishes teach them how to do it right and watch them take ownership and grow that self esteem and soar. Do not be critical. Focus on what they have done well. If your little one has made the bed don’t expect hospital corners. If your middle schooler is just going through the motions makng his then yes, it’s ok to expect it done better. But even then do not criticize. Tell them you know they are capable of doing it better and that’s why you expect them too. Aknowledge what they’ve done well but don’t have a “good job I’m going to alert the media party.” Not too much praise.
Regarding homework. A must read is John Rosemond’s “Fail-Safe Formula for Helping Your Child Succeed in School”. No, I don’t get a cut. Read it.
You are waking your pre teen or teenager every morning. Stop. Get them an alarm clock and make them responsible for getting themselves up.
Your child is saying things like “No one likes me “ or “ I don’t have any friends.” Listen to them and empathize and let them know how capable they are at making friends. Do not buy into their drama and that’s what a lot of it is. Have an open heart to hear their feelings but do not indulge them. ‘I hear you and I know that you are very good at making friends. What can you do about it?”
Feel overwhelmed and baffled by how to accomplish one or all of the above? You can hire me. I needed coaching myself and that’s why I do what I do.
Or if you just want some tips on how to head that direction shoot me an email now.